


you were never just my friend

by feyrith



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Friends to Lovers, Implied Relationships, M/M, Minor Denmark/Norway (Hetalia), Minor Finland/Sweden (Hetalia), Minor Hong Kong/Iceland (Hetalia), One-Sided Attraction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-28
Updated: 2016-07-28
Packaged: 2018-07-27 08:14:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7610485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feyrith/pseuds/feyrith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lukas and Emil had been together for a long time. But it takes something more for them to figure it out and get together as more than just friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you were never just my friend

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this off a tumblr prompt for the wonderful [actualsteilsson](https://www.instagram.com/actualsteilsson/)

Lukas and Emil had been together a long time. Not like _that_. They were just constantly at each other's sides. Lukas thought of his life in two halves; a time before he knew Emil, and the time after. The time before was dull, like he was looking at everything through a frosted window. The details were blurred out, the colours muted. And then when he met Emil, it was like he finally stepped outside and took his first, proper breath of fresh air. The world was suddenly a lot brighter than he ever imagined it could be.

Since then, they had done everything together. They studied together for their final year of high school. They went off to university together, and while they studied different things there, every minute that they weren't in their respective lectures or workshops or labs was spent together. They had a ritual, of studying in the library together on Wednesday afternoons, at their quiet table in the back corner, hidden away from the rest of the world by the towering bookshelves. Lukas loved it there; there was a window on each wall that meet to make the corner they were sat in, and the sunshine provided much better light than the overhead bulbs. Sometimes, he could get away with just watching Emil for a few minutes. He had committed to memory years ago the way his brows would furrow a little when he was concentrated, and how he chewed his lower lip when he was getting frustrated. He'd tangle his hands in his hair when he was bored, and twist the silvery strands around his elegant fingers. He would always look back down at whatever work he had in front of himself, though, if Emil ever looked up at him.

Lukas didn't know how many years he'd been in love with Emil. Time barely seemed to matter when he was with the Icelandic boy. Just as long as there was plenty of time in the future with him, Lukas was happy. It hurt, of course, that he had to bury his feelings under what felt like tonnes of emotionless acting. But he was selfish, too selfish to ever admit his feeling and possibly lose the one thing that made him smile in this world. Emil was the sun and moon to him, and what was a planet without those? But more than he was selfish, he was afraid. He didn't want the world to slip back into the dullness it had been before they had met. So he kept his love to himself, and let himself admire Emil in the silence.

In a rush, university passed, and soon they were both graduating. Lukas had never cheered so hard for anyone in his life when Emil's name was called. Lukas thought he looked beautiful, in his robes and graduation cap. He could hear Emil cheering for him in return when it was his turn to go and receive his certificate, but the smile that he got from Emil was better than anything else that day.

They found a house to live in together; nothing too expensive, rent they could split each week and pay without much of a worry. Lukas never dreamed of life being this good. Until Emil met someone. His name was Leon, not that Lukas really cared. His world slowly started to fade back to the muted tones he hated as Emil started spending less time with him and more time with his new friend, his new _best_ friend, his _boyfriend_. Lukas knew he was being selfish, more so than he had been in university. A million what ifs floated through his head every day. What if he had confessed his feelings? What if Emil decided he didn't want to know Lukas anymore? What if Emil decided to move out from their cosy little home and live with Leon, in his modern high rise apartment? Lukas knew Emil preferred that kind of style, the sleek, modern lines to what their mid-fifties house provided. What if this place just wasn't home enough to Emil anymore? Lukas found himself withdrawing back more into his own shell. He headed out to pubs more, though he didn't really drink. The noise the establishments provided helped drown out his own intrusive thoughts, and he'd always enjoyed people watching. He liked noticing the little things about him, trying to learn what he couldn't through conversation.

After a few weeks of frequenting the bar down the road, a man settled down into the chair beside him. Lukas wasn't all that surprised; he'd noticed him watching him, sometimes, nursing his regular beer, often alone, sometimes with a couple; two men who seemed to be the loud blond's only friends.

"My name is Mathias," he introduced himself cheerily. Lukas thought he had a nice smile, but it wasn't as nice as Emil's, didn't light up his world the way Emil's did.

"Lukas," he replied shortly, glancing away to look around the room again. Mathias kept talking, seemingly unperturbed, about how he'd noticed Lukas here most nice for the past month, how he was never with anyone, how he hardly ever drank. Lukas told Mathias in return that he noticed that he drank a lot, but seemed to have an incredibly high alcohol tolerance.

"It's because I'm Danish!" he said with a bright laugh. Lukas just hummed.

From then on, Mathias sat with him on the nights he came alone. He introduced his friends, too; a married couple whose names were Berwald and Tino. Berwald seemed to be like Lukas, preferring to stay quiet and just watch, but Tino was talkative and bright and Lukas could tell that he was Berwald's sunshine, just like Emil was - had been - his.

Lukas and Mathias had been sitting together for three weeks when the Dane first kissed him. Lukas was surprised, and returned it hesitantly, but it felt wrong. He had kissed people before, of course, on dares and they few rare dates he'd gone on to try and make himself forget about how much he loved Emil, but none of them had felt right either. He pulled back and glanced away. He could practically hear Mathias' heart shatter.

"You love someone else, don't you?" he asked quietly after a moment of silence, despite already knowing the answer.

"I'm sorry," was all Lukas said, his voice soft, barely audible over the noise filling the pub. He wondered if maybe he made Mathias' world colourful like Emil made his, but he couldn't bring himself to ask in case the answer was yes.

"It's okay," he heard Mathias say. There was a soft kiss to his cheek before he was left alone again, and Lukas' world seemed just a little duller.

After that, he couldn't seem to make the trip back to the pub, just in case Mathias was there. He hated that he had ruined someone's chance of happiness, and in doing that, his own. He hated that he couldn't give Mathias the chance he deserved. For the next week and a half, Lukas hid in his room, talking himself into go back to the pub, talking to Mathias, asking for another chance. His world wouldn't be as bright as it was when he was with Emil, but it would certainly be better than it was right now. The Dane was a walking ball of infectious happiness, after all. Finally, he gathered his wits and his courage and dragged himself out of bed, showering and dressed himself nicely. He was about to head down the hall to the front door, when he heard soft sobbing behind Emil's door as he passed by it. He paused, his heart sinking at the sound of his crying.

"Emil?" he asked, knocking gently on the door before opening it a tiny bit and peeking inside. Emil looked up, startled, and hastily wiped his eyes.

"Hey, Lukas," he said, clearly trying to play his crying off as nothing. "What can I do for you?" Lukas let himself into Emil's bedroom and over to his bed, sitting down beside him and wrapped his arms around the slightly smaller man in a tight embrace.

"It's okay to cry," he said simply, gently stroking Emil's hair. "And you know you can tell me anything." The voice at the back of Lukas' head told him he was a hypocrite, but he shoved it away and focused on his friend. Emil gave another sniffle before the tears started again.

"Leon broke up with me," he said, and Lukas hated himself more than ever at the happiness that jolted through him. "He said I wasn't fully invested in him. Honestly, I don't even know why I'm so upset right now."

Lukas blinked. "Not fully invested? What does he mean by that?" Emil pulled back enough to look at him.

"For someone so smart, you're a real idiot sometimes," he said. "You've never been just my friend, Lukas."

Lukas blinked, and then he blinked again. "What?" he said eloquently. Emil rolled his eyes, and leaned up the few inches to press their lips together. Lukas was pretty sure he nearly had a heart attack. But a good heart attack, if such things are possible. It took a while for his brain to kick back into gear, and then he finally kissed Emil back, leaning in when the Icelander started to pull back to reconnect their lips. It suddenly seemed like everything in Lukas' life realigned. He pulled back after a moment with a soft, somewhat dazed smile.

"Oh," he said. "That's what you mean." Emil rolled his eyes again and returned the smile.

"Yes, idiot. That's what I mean."

It was almost like the last few months hadn't happened at all. But Lukas couldn't forget about Mathias, and how he had hurt him. He had his number in his phone, though he had never used it. A week after he had planned to go and talk to Mathias and instead ended up kissing Emil, he texted him what was practically a novel, explaining everything. Mathias didn't take long to reply.

7:57pm _Wow, I never thought you'd talk to me again. But it's all cool, man. I'm just glad you're happy! :)_

7:59pm _Besides, I've found someone too. His name is Lars and he's Dutch and he's super hot._

Lukas sighed fondly as he received multiple other texts of Mathias bragging about his boyfriend. The last one soothed the guilty spot in his heart, though.

8:18pm _He makes me so happy, Lukas. And I'm happy you're happy, too. We should all meet up for drinks sometime, yeah?_

For the first time in his life, Lukas had friends other than Emil (not that he was complaining about having Emil as his only friend for so long). And somehow, the world was even brighter than when he had just Emil. Lukas decided he'd go through those months of pain again if he knew his life would end up like this. He lifted his glass in a toast, and no one - not Mathias, not Lars, not Berwald or Tino or Emil - seemed to need a reason to join Lukas in it. Lukas squeezed Emil's hand and kissed his cheek, making him blush a little and shove Lukas gently, but his smile reassured him everything was alright. And everything was alright, because they had each other.


End file.
